I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

The Bravest Of Them All

     Courage has taken on a whole new meaning for me. The Webster's Dictionary defines courage as mental or moral strength; to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty;  and tenacity, stubborn persistence and and unwillingness to acknowledge defeat.  There are many unsung heroes who exemplify true courage and bravery whom many do not even recognize. They are the children with cancer, and I am convinced they are filled with God's grace.

     Our sixteen year old daughter, Jennifer, was a typical teenager. She looked forward to getting her driver's license; ran every day; exercised to keep in shape and liked to hang out at the mall with her friends. She had dreams of becoming a doctor or social worker so she could help other people and change the world.  Little did we know her dreams of touching lives and changing the world would be realized in a much different way.

     We took Jennifer to the doctor in early January 1994 for what we thought would turn out to be mild anemia or an infection. She was tired often and bruised easily. She had begun to have frequent nosebleeds we associated with a sinus infection. In our wildest nightmare, we would not have imagined the diagnosis -leukemia Specifically, AML, also known as acute myelogenous leukemia.  This type of leukemia shows up in only  5% of cases and Jennifer's prognosis was poor from the start. Yet, Jennifer attacked her disease with the same courage she lived life, one day at a time, with a positive attitude, a winning smile, a bushel of faith and enough love to help everyone around her to handle the stress.

     During the seven months of Jennifer's treatment, she completed her tenth grade studies from her hospital bed, maintaining a straight A average. She developed a fondness and talent for cross stitching and created beautiful pieces of memories for the nurses, her teacher and her family. When she lost her beautiful, long hair two weeks into treatment, she held her head high and adjusted to wigs and ball caps. She tolerated extensive hospital stays by encouraging other children diagnosed and their families, and nurturing the hospital staff. She worried about the other sick children and prayed for them daily. She grieved the loss of those who passed on before her and prayed God would grant their families peace. She thanked God for the special young lady, Alicia, who visited her to give her hope following her own successful battle with this horrid disease. She encouraged me to leave the room to reach out and lift up other families and jokingly referred to me as my mom, the social worker, and to us as, the social worker team of VUMC. She offered hugs when I faltered and assurances things would be fine. She reminded me and all the other children she talked, called or wrote to that Jesus loved us all and to just have faith.

     Jennifer did well for four months and was eagerly anticipating the near end of her hospital treatments and a return to a normal life.  She had developed a new respect for life and the things that really mattered. Her hair was beginning to grow back and she was eager to start school with her friends. But a relapse of the leukemia in her central nervous system brought further chemotherapy and radiation, and Jennifer's battered body began to show the toll.  Still she braved each day with spirit, tenacity and faith; never complaining and always reaching out to lift others up.  She was a source of light to doctors, nurses, friends and family.

     In early July, we lost one of Jennifer's friends following a bone marrow transplant and while we grieved, Jennifer displayed a strange peace.  On one particular night, I noticed she seemed to be in a deep sleep that frightened me. When I tried to rouse her, she opened her eyes and smiled an angelic smile. "I have to go back, mom," she said . "He has not finished talking with me. He told me I am dying, but not to be afraid. When I wake up, I will be well, and it will be beautiful and wonderful. Everything will be okay.  The next night, another similar incident occurred.  She woke me up in the middle of the night, again with that angelic smile on her face, and said, "Lisa is okay now, Mom.  She is out of intensive care and you do not have to worry anymore."  I assured her Lisa was already out of intensive care and doing well.  But Jen just smiled as if she knew some special secret, told me she loved me and went back to sleep.  You see, Lisa had been in intensive care for several days, but had come out earlier in the day.  What I did not realize was that they had been forced to rush Lisa back to intensive care shortly after midnight.  I discovered the next morning, Lisa died at almost the exact time Jen woke to tell me she was okay.  I know now, God truly was speaking to Jennifer.

     Jennifer eventually lost her balance and needed a walker to get around.  Yet once back home, she participated in the wedding of her best friend's mother, wearing her wig, toting her walker and beaming with her radiant smile.  She hung out with her friends, leaning on them for balance and support, making jokes and always maintaining her dignity.  As she progressed to a wheelchair and rapidly became more immobile, she reminded her friends that God was with her, and that God was with them too.  She rebuked all who pitied her and asked only for love and respect.  Our minister came to our home to anoint Jen as her condition worsened.  She told all of us God would indeed heal her, either by curing her to live out her days on earth or by taking her home.  "Remember," she said, "either way, I win."  During her final five days on this earth, she was completely paralyzed from her waist down and lost all control of her bodily functions.  Yet up to her final moment, she radiated determination, grit, humor, compassion, love, peace and an unyielding trust in God.  And finally, she slipped peacefully from my hands, into His, at home, where she wanted to be, on August 13, 1994.

     Our hearts have been heavy with the loss of our daughter, but our eyes have been opened in a way we could never have imagined.  Jennifer and all the other children God brought into our lives taught us how to live; to face each day with faith, love, courage and a smile; to trust God and His wisdom in all things; to love each other and to reach out, not only to family and friends, but to strangers; to experience the beauty and magic of each new day and make the most of it.  She taught us to never, ever take anything for granted and to appreciate all God's blessings in our lives; to accept Christ's strength and wrap ourselves in His armor of grace and mercy that we could witness for Him by the grace that gave us hope and peace.  Not a bad legacy for a sixteen year old who, along with all the children we met, left a beautiful mark on this world and a true testimony of God's love for us.

     Jennifer fulfilled her dreams.  She touched countless lives and helped so many people along the way.  She encouraged others to become donors of blood and platelets which sustained her and gave life to so many children, and to become bone marrow donors to offer a chance for life for children with cancer.  She  told everyone that no matter what they faced, they could never give up or let go of God.   As Jen said, "either way, I win."  And we believe she did.

      Indeed, there are many unsung heroes today.  They are special children who face life and death with courage, love, faith, trust, compassion and dignity.  They are touched by God, Himself, and filled with a grace and peace we can all envy.  And they most undoubtedly are, the bravest of them all.

 

~Come for all things are now ready~

Luke 14:17

Written in memory of my precious daughter, Jennifer, as a tribute to her spirit, courage, faith and love!   How I long to sit at the table in Heaven with Jen by my side.  What a wonderful reunion it will be.

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